Catch the Rabbit.

[torvic]

This site needs some non-fishy humour. Heres an oldie I found somewhere, at least I thought it was funny !



-> The CIA, the FBI and the LAPD are each asked to prove their capability of
apprehending terrorists. President Bush releases a white rabbit into a
forest and tells each agency to catch it.
The CIA goes first. It sends animal informants into the forest. They
question all plant and material witnesses. After three months of intensive
investigations the CIA concludes rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads it bombs the forest, killing
everything, including the rabbit. It makes no apologies; the rabbit had it
coming, it insists.
The LAPD go in. They come out after just two hours with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is sobbing, "OK, OK, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
John Howard hears about George jnr's idea and decides to test Australian law
enforcement agencies. He releases a white rabbit into Stromlo Forest,near
Canberra. The National Crime Authority can't catch it but promises
that if it gets a budget increase it can recover $90 million in unpaid
rabbit taxes and proceeds of crime.
The Victorian police go in. They're gone only 15 minutes, returning with a
koala, a kangaroo and a tree fern, all three shot to pieces. "They looked
like dangerous rabbits and we acted in self-defence," they explain.
The NSW police go in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top-ranking officers
and rabbits dancing around a gum tree stoned out of their minds.
The Queensland police go in. They reappear driving a brand new
Mercedes,scantily clad rabbits draped all over them.
The WA police actually catch the white rabbit, but it inexplicably hangs
itself when the attending officer "slipped out momentarily" for a cup of
tea.
The SA and NT police join forces and beat the crap out of every rabbit in
the forest, except the white one. They know it is the black ones who cause
all the trouble.
The Australian Federal Police refuse to go in. It examines the
issues,particularly cost, and decides that because of low priority, high
overtime and the projected expense to the AFP as a whole, the matter should
be returned to the referring authority for further analysis.
ASIO goes into the wrong forest.

[pete s]

you wouldnt happen to be anti authority torvic by any chance???

[Ravin]

DO YOU WANT TO BE A PLAYER???

Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife's legs were wide apart, and she wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table & emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed & asked,"Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness,John admitted that, well, indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial situation as well as the moral costs of this offer, John says that he is indeed interested. She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons & John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2pm Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned time at 2pm sharp & after paying her the agreed upon $500, they went to the bedroom & completed their sexual transaction as Sue had promised.

Afterwards, John quickly dressed & left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm & upon entering the house, asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon". Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?".

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out, & after mustering up her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500".

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning & borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home & pay me back."

NOW THAT'S A PLAYER ! ! ! !

[torvic]

Originally posted by pete s
you wouldnt happen to be anti authority torvic by any chance???

Hehe naaaah. I'm not a terrorist or anything like that Well at least the bream havent made me into one yet by not getting hooked up.

Rofl Ravin thats pretty good. Poor Bill, -> owned.

[Ravin]

Heres a real joke it just happened. I was having a cold VB next to the pool & my Mum & Dad were swimming & my old man said theres a snake in the pool & jumped out real quick !!! He never worried about my Mum at all She got out & I'm looking for a 5 foot Taipan or something similar & heres this foot long snake cruising about I netted it & grabbed it & it turned out to be a "Bandy Bandy" a mildly venemous little snake. I'll release it tomorrow after taking a pic. You had to be here but my old man shot out of the pool so fast the way he left my Mum behind was a classic Survival of the fittest

HEHEHE
I'd call him a wuss, but i'm just as scared of snakes. Can't stand them!!!

[torvic]

Are those snakes red? I've seen tonnes of them at Claremont just cruising around the surface. Wonder if they work for live bait...

[Ravin]

It was black with white bands around it.

[torvic]

Heres another one I found was quite good.

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."